words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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