i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
