oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
