i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
