This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
