Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
