TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
