When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
