sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
