is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
