just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He? As in you personified your dick?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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