You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
