my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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