"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
