the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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