fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
