there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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