Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
