Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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