I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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