it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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