Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
