i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
