every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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