Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
