her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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