I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
