If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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