hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You did what with his pubic hair?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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