i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
