so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
