You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
