dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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