What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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