he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dear god my vagina.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
