yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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