i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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