I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
