Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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