sorry about calling you the devil all night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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