My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
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