So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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