after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
