I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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