y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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