Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
