yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
