I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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