who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
