is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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